Saturday ramblings

It's been a while since my last post. I'm really trying to get better at this whole blogging thing. I just seemed to get sidetracked. And, frankly, I'm not sure with what. Meh, I'm here now and typing away. So much is going on.

I had the appointment with the RE last week. I really liked her which means I now officially love all of these doctors that are trying to get me pregnant again! We were there for about an hour and a half and they were very thorough. They even did blood work on both of us. The RE wants me to have one more test, an SHG, which is less painful than an HSG. (Yay!) She just wants to take another peek to see what's going on. But, as it stands, I will be having surgery sometime in the next month or so. I hope its sooner than later so we can fix everything and hopefully have a positive outcome.

I find it very funny that whenever we talk about the hemorrhage after Maddux, we get raised eyebrows. The RE and her intern were in the room talking with us. This is how it played out.

Me: I had no complications while pregnant, but I did have a hemorrhage after he was born.

RE: Oh, you had one right after?

Me: No. Ten days later.

RE: O_O

Intern: O_O

And, all eyebrows were raised over those shocked and blank looks. Rob and I actually find the reactions funny. But, really, it must mean that it's just so rare that most people don't usually hear about it. Eh, whatever. It's in the past. All we can do is hope it doesn't happen again.

It looks like we are a bit more public in our struggles this time around. I know Rob talked to someone in his family who he's had a hard time keeping this all from. I think it made him feel better that he now has someone else he can talk to about it. It's not that we weren't telling people before, but we were really selective in who knew about our miscarriages. We live in a small town and weren't ready to share with everyone before. My! How times have changed. Oddly enough, I look forward to talking about it a little. When I get asked "Oh, when will Maddux be a big brother?", I get tired of the standard "Someday" answer. I would love to gently educate those who inquire that we've had some struggles since having him and can't wait to have another one. But, sometimes, it hurts so much to have to answer that question, I just want to scream - "I HAVE FOUR BABIES! I CAN ONLY HOLD ONE!" But, that would be mean of me to put a well-meaning person on the spot like that. So, I'm hoping with some gentle education, maybe the inquirers will learn that it's a really personal question and not always appropriate to ask.

Who knows? It could backfire. I wonder who the first person will be to tell me to "Relax", and it will happen. Uh, yeah. I'm going to revert to the 90's and put my thumbs together making a "W" with my fingers. Whatever! No, it will not happen if I just relax. I need medical intervention to stay pregnant. Otherwise, I will be having more miscarriages. And, frankly, I don't know why I need to have more than three. I've had my share...and then some.

I definitely need to write more. This is so cathartic. But, alas, I must run off and do some housework while the babe is sleeping. Until next time...